April 1, 2008
I Declare Myself ‘King of the Hill’
I have been President or Co-President or Acting President of the Oregon Hill Neighborhood Association (OHNA) for over four years now. No one has offered to take over that leading position, or that of moderator of this neighborhood blog, or that of owner of the neighborhood email discussion group. OHNA elections have been postponed or delayed for months, much to my disliking. Therefore, at the risk of a street beating by old-timers and taunting by college students, I, Scott Burger, hereby renounce all titles other than that of King of Oregon Hill. I declare my intention to rule by fiat as supreme leader of the neighborhood until I decide otherwise.
I recognize the potential concern that this assumption of power will create, and I assure my neighbors that I will continue my benevolent reign, with mind to fairness and order for all. In return, I do demand fealty, obedience, and respect, and, perhaps at some point in the future, tithe and tribute. At this time I am considering the appointments of royal advisors. For now I will hold my court at the same time and place as that of the regular OHNA meetings, 7pm of fourth Tuesdays at the William Byrd Community House.
I already formulated several royal decrees, and those will appear on this website in short order. Until notified otherwise, residents and visitors should still follow and respect the laws of the City of Richmond, Commonwealth of Virginia, and the United States of America.
Scott Burger
In the land of the toothless,
the man with one tooth is king.
Will you be leaving the previous administrations knights in place for the time being or are you going to summarily disband them?
Don’t stop there. I want to see you become king of all of Richmond.
I am strangely okay with this.
Those who follow King Burger must show their loyalty by laying siege to the building that bears Emperor Trani’s name!
Tad says you will definitely be needing a henchman for strong-arm edict enforcement. He volunteers.
I say rename your kingdom BURGERIA.
well… I was considering moving to Oregon Hill.. but I don’t have any cows or sheep to trade for entry into the kingdom…
[...] the newly declared King, I intend to lead a war on fear itself by crafting a long term policy dedicated to the principle of [...]
Need a Patriarch for a Church dedicated to your cause? Email me, I’m not real, REAL busy….
Oh, I can authorize knights, too!
So, would you be like Burger, King?
Hi Scott, I love the blog but can you deal with our neighbor from hell…he backs up to you to…screaming for his abused hound is getting old at four am…behead him or something???
I don’t generally do beheadings. Stomp Stomp Dave did suggest I declare masturbation a crime punishable by death so I could put to death anyone at any time.
I prefer subtlety.
Have you tried talking to him about it?
I promise to try also.
If you have already done that with no real effect, have you spoken to any other neighbors about it?
If these things have not worked, I suggest documenting it. Getting a tape recorder and mark times and dates. Swearing out a complaint with the City police is the next step, though I try to avoid that step when possible.
Of course, a man calling his dog is not as easy to bring to the attention of the authorities as a raging broken bottle party, which is why I suggest some documentation first.
[...] last night off Forest Hill Avenue and was treated to a surprise coronation ceremony that recognized my new found position. It is good to be King. Posted by Scott at 12:47PM under RVANews-news, community, editorial, [...]
[...] King I declare Oregon Hill’s current boundaries as the following: to the east, Belvidere Street, [...]
[...] King, I announce the extension of Oregon Hill’s border southward to include Belle Island and its [...]
[...] King of the Hill, I am reconsidering the mount of tribute that my subjects pay in relation to the services supplied [...]
King Scott,
sorry I’m a little late with this post, but my term as president of the Union Hill Civic Association ends next week, and suddenly I more time to see what’s happening in other neighborhoods around town. While the thought of absolute monarchy has its charm, I have one suggestion if it begins to wear on you: change your by-laws so that the vice president (prime minister?) automatically succeeds to the presidency at the end of the term:)